Thursday, July 07, 2005

i cook the same way i dress ....to kill....


There I was- all of a full twenty and an addition of 1 whole year and still had no clue of cooking.My grandma would exclaim (as most grandmas do) "at your age I was the mother of 2 kids" and to this date I could never figure out the connection! I mean I don’t see why cooking should be a pre-requisite for reproduction.

They say necessity is the mother of invention and in my case it decided to prove itself right- a new job in an alien land and my body refused to be insulted any further after multiple attempts to keep it alive and kicking by treating it to all sorts of assorted junk that the Hyd'bad restaurants could offer (and in 1997 there were a sad handful).

So I decided to put on an apron and join the bandwagon of all those people (rolling my eyes in admiration) who can recognize the various names by which those small, round grains popularly called dal go by.The rats used for my experiments were my unsuspecting roommates; the torture endured by them would put any Tihar jail prisoner to shame.

I started dutifully by buying books of Tarla Dalal and Sanjeev Kapoor but alas! they never taught you the basic dal, roti and chawal, which resulted in huge telephone bills (since teaching to cook by Mummy on telephone wouldn’t last less than an hour) and maintaining a big notebook (which I proudly exhibit to this day).

The samples of my experiments could be bottled and pickled as exemplary examples of what not to do while learning to cook: these were the 5 popular dishes I could conjure in a jiffy.

** Idlis looking like mini dosas
** Dosas looking like mega idlis
** Chapatis competing with Papads
** Kheer, which could give a complex to ‘Camilin’ Glue
** Tamarind water with floating veggies, which could pass on as Sambar

Repeated experiments always produce good results they say and they weren’t wrong, these days if u see someone sporting a bright apron and hosting the office parties at home -then its none other than yours truly.(Needless to say 'am a proud owner of a kitchen designed by self -yup the one in the pic)
At last I learnt to use a knife for purposes other than self-defense.:)

26 comments:

fiona said...

hilarious post :-).
atlast u can cook! all is well if end is well ;-).

Vignesh said...

Hehehe... you will love this then !! :)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/vigneshvg/7779097/

zombiee said...

sounds encouraging.. my next buy. An apron to poison my self :) im sure i will get there too. The kitchen looks nice .. lil too tidy.. and wheres the stove;-)
great prose.

Sagnik Nandy said...

bravo woman. not only do you know how to cook now but you also have a clean kitchen (whatever happened to all those dirty ones). and you also blog - you must be super girl :)

Vicky said...

hmmm
so if u sporting parties and really good cook, then when r we invited ?

suraj said...

nice kitchen to cook for...i guess u dontmake mess it while cooking

RT said...

I love that kitchen..:-)
I strongly believe in "A good cook is known by the kitchen she keeps."
Every one goes through the random experiments, long telephone calls with mommie-dear, darkened wok base, overcooked rice, overboiled milk, rotis in the shape of the Indian Map and so on.
nicely done kitchen again..:)

Rabin said...

have yuo ever tried tossing sausages in a hotpan with a plastic spoon? if you haven't then you really haven't seen everything at all :)

:..M..: said...

Hehe. Came here through your comment on my blog. I'll soon be joining that bandwagon when I'm off to the Western shores!

I did notice you're reading a Wodehouse. I love him and the character Galahad.

Swathi said...

@fiona
yaa finally i can cook n i think u've had a gud sample of it too :))

@Vignesh
wow! Dosa upma - now that musbe ur speciality

@zombie
the stove is at the other side ...cudnt u see dat? :D

@Sagnik
clean kitchen? 'twaz only for thr foto else ...(jus kidding ,am a cleanliness freek hence the theme black n white for the kitchen)

@Vicky
gosh u really wanna take the risk???

@Suraj
i not only avoid making a mess but also ensure that others who enter it also dont

@rt
wow! thanks for the compliments.
my days of map shaped rotis r still not over.

@r
now i was missing that one...yup all those utensils charred n burnt along with the wodden ladles wud b another exhibition by itself.

@m
yup i've of late taken to PGW and the other one i jus completd was "Something Fresh" - i seem to fall in love with Lord Emsworth

√úbermaniam said...

sorry sweet...umm, i mean swathi (damn, i got to concentrate)...didn't mean to freek you out. do come again, promise to be less distasteful. hey, for every beauty there has to be a beast. take care, and tnks for coming, again. uber beast.

√úbermaniam said...

one more thing...nice____! u know what i mean.

Vikster said...

"I mean I don’t see why cooking should be a pre-requisite for reproduction. "

Yeah! Everyone knows it's a good "SourAppleMartini"!!

Or two.

vicky said...

risk ? come on. someone has to made the guniea pig ? and hey - no risk no reward.
so do we have a deal ?

#3tiYo>B_shyo> said...

hey, i was thinkin u to be a kindred souls of sorts with me!!! me being unable to cook a thing:( ....lol.. buts its good uv gat an amazing kitchen... very Good Homes magazine!

Lost in trance... said...

I still remember my ex-room.mate exclaiming - "never thought someone could ruin a pack of noodles this bad".
So, I guess I can honestly say: I empathize.

Swathi said...

@dopppsy
hmm... luking fwd to those writings.

@vickster
sourapplemartini??? i'm lost now

@vicky
all in gud time

@shyo
u r still a kid girlie - u wud learn to cook when the time comes (now do i sound like mi grandma :))

@lit
lol! at that, atleast i used to make very gud noodles (the 2 minute variety)

Kary said...

Cool post. The first try will always be boring but once u get the taste right I am sure u will develop a passion for cooking. At last its food that is the most important in our life - gud to have it in our own kitchen than a restaurant.

Crouching Tigress said...

Hey..cooking isnt hard! Come on now. Lol...pre requisite for reproduction? Hardly..You want sex ed classes? I will gladly pass over some gyaan. Just kiddin..that part was hilarious. As for future hubby, ask him to do the cooking. Freaking unable-to-fend-for-himself LOSER..Hehehahaha.
Chef madhu has a recipe for rice as well! He is cool..this link for ya ;)
http://shiokfood.com/notes/archives/000022.html

Swathi said...

@kary
yaa better to have dal chaawal at home than all those exotic dishes in a restaurant!

@tigress
sex ed classes? when do they start? lol!

Crouching Tigress said...

@swathi
Well if you are serious we can start asap. Let me warn you have to take me out for lunch/dinner a couple of times atleast. Dont worry, so far I am straight so I will behave myself. What say?

anumita said...

Hey, that's a pretty kitchen and a nice post.
Stopped reading the paheli post halfway as I intend watching the movie. Yes, I haven't seen it yet!

Swathi said...

@crouching tigress
on second thots ,lemme learn by practicals (instead of theory) :))

@anumita
Thanx soooooo much - both for dropping by n also for the compliments.

phatichar said...

hahahaha...hilarious..I hope ones eating ur food also don't come...dressed to kill - you! (kidding ;) )

Swathi said...

@phatichar
now i cook so well that ppl wud kill to have a taste of it :))

Rauf said...

Read this three times, this stupid house has marble floor(temporary residence) And every time i had to be careful not to fall on to the floor. you are going to kill me one day Princess.

Joke:
At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for John to comment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.

After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?"

Without looking up from his newspaper John replied, "About 10 years."